Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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