I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am spending my child support on dildos
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
