and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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