i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
