How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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