He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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