I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
