So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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