allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
