Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
