I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
