I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
