i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
