Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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