he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
