State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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