I just threw up on my dentist
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
