I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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