is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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