How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
