Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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