My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
