2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
