my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize