how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
