I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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