So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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