If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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