I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
