Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
