I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
