You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
