your thong is hanging out like whoa
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
