JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
