a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
