If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They took my balls.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
