If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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