dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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