its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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