well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
