and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
