youre lurking in front of me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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