do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize