Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
