My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
