I think I died a long time ago.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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