I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
