operation have a gay friend backfired
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
