ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
