I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
