Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
