If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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