also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
