Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
