how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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