John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
