wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
