3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
