we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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