is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
