i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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