i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
