Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
