I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love you. Go after that dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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