Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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