Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
