she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
