update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
