Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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