I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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