She is in my trunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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