When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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