two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
