you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize